Tuesday, November 19, 2013

The Darkness Beckons...

Your bad is my good. Your crimes are my refuge. Your evil is my self. I am, YOU!  not quite, I am a part of you. The one augmented and demonic facet of you that you keep hidden from the prying eyes of the world. 
I am darkness.  Absolute. Pristine. Complete. 
You are in denial if you think I do not reside within your heart! I do. It has been my abode since the first time someone bullied you or teased or insulted you and you could do nothing about it. Remember the surge of fury that raged you? Remember the frustration and anger at your inability to take revenge? It was me, whispering softy to you to fight back.
But you pushed me aside, shunned me away as life’s brighter shades enchanted you. I watched, patiently, as the colors went out and then even the stark black and white gave way to a muddy hue of gray.
I looked on as you battled the intricacies of life, baffled and hurt at your inability again. Inability to drive things the way you see fit. I was there when your bubble of confidence burst. And only when you had to accept that sometimes, no matter what you do, you cant have your way did you remember me again!
I was the shoulder you cried on. The pillar of strength that you rebuilt yourself on. I was the one who gave you focus. I was the one who made you appreciate the clarity within chaos. Every time you hated the past, every tear you shed, every wrong you did, every penance that you paid for made you stronger. All this while it was me who pushed you in the corner, I kept pushing till finally you started pushing back. And while I saw a phoenix rise from the ashes, I leaned back to watch over you again. 
I am darkness. Incessant. Omnipresent. Pure.
All I ask for is acceptance!

Friday, April 5, 2013


He smiled. She frowned. He did all to bring back her smile. Acted cute, made up jokes, prophesied his love for her in a dozen ways, and wrote her love songs amongst other endless frivolities. Alas, all in vain. Her mind seemed to be made up. She seemed to have something against him that was creating a gigantic rift between them in front of which even his titanic efforts were dwarfed but…

He didn’t give up. Trudged on steadily, undeterred. She left. Once again. She left in a huff swearing never to see his face again. He waited for her return. His patience gave way after a week and he started looking for her. In vain. She had disappeared off the very face of the earth, or so it seemed. Her phone was switched off and none of her friends knew of her whereabouts. She was at none of her favorite haunts. He was worried. He wasn’t even aware of the reasons of her rage. He had been a pillar of hope, but…

After that long his faith was waning. What, where, how, who? So many questions without any answers. He was terrified of what the future held. The uncertainty of it all flummoxed him. As he entered his house after the seemingly endless and fruitless search his every iota screamed at him for being such a blunt tool and for his obiter dictums but…
There she was. He smiled weakly, she looked resolutely. He felt his words tripping over each other. He tried to be more coherent. Failed. The words flew and chose their own course. She listened. But did she understand? He knew not. She called him stubborn yet there she was, closed to any hope, any dream. Letting the fear of striking out not only keeping her from playing the game but enjoying it too. Deep down she knew, joy unbounded waits but…

He closed his eyes, to hide his broken self. He remained little more than an empty shell casing without her. She was the bullet and with her gone, he was but a piece of scrap. He knew she’d win, he always let her. But unlike the other times he wished for things to be different; for her to lose, just this once, so that they could both win but…

Even before the words were out of her mouth, he knew. He could feel them coming. The curse of understanding her mercilessly flayed him before her words had a chance. Yet he tried. He tried hard. He knew he gave it all he could. He realized he was being verbose, but he couldn’t help it. He knew he held nothing back but…

All he could do now was await her decision. She was the slave and he, the master. Without fail. Always. Yet, in that moment the master’s soul was the slave’s toy and that was a piece of inerrant truth.

One more, he ordered. Me too, she chipped in. The barman smiled. They had had quite a few already.
He smiled at her, she looked pleased. He was glad. She had been stoic for a few days. That forebode ominously to him. But the events of that night brought with them a serene calmness. It had not been long, and he was yet to figure her out. But he didn’t care. He was glad for her presence there and the smile on her face.

She smiled back, content. He had parried her disarray till it stopped haunting her dreams. But she knew that the demon of confusion still lay low, waiting to strike. Yet with him, she was happy. Buoyant almost. The future remained shrouded in mist, she cared not. It was this moment that mattered and she was at peace.

Here you go, the barman left the tequila and lemons in front of them. They looked at the salted glasses and at each other. She giggled. Penny for your thoughts, he asked. She raised her glass and looked deep into his eyes, Just giving it a shot!

*a long while later*

Umm-hmmm. He blinked. Why couldn’t he recall the night. *CLINK* The bottle of Jose Cuervo Gold rolled gently over the floor and he smiled. His back felt heavy and he looked back. Her head lay nuzzling the small of his back and her legs dangled over the other side of the bed. Too much tequila’s never too good, he grinned and zonked out again.

Beyond the haze...

Tired of lying languidly,
Bored of the nonchalant daze,
I try and see,
Beyond the haze,
A surreal place,
Of dreams galore,
Where was reality,
I had cared no more,
A world so known,
A sinful variety,
I now let go,
Lost, in a newfound sense of propriety,
Everything is new,
Yet so familiar,
As if I was watching the same previously,
Just with glasses unclear,
I can see way beyond the haze,
The road’s long and the horizon far,
I care not and happily I walk,
With a hearty smile and my guitar.
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