The grass is always greener...

I read something. Deep, dark and scary. The words had a powerful impact, I was a little high, a  little lost, a  little nonchalant, I am now deep in thoughts and I shall just let them flow. If I do not make sense, it shall be my folly but I trust you to make sense out of the nonsensical. So here goes nothing...

There lies a dark side to all of us, one and all. The dark side flickers on and off fighting with the good side; the eternal duel to be righteous or reckless.
Eventually we realize that neither of them are good, both in their extreme are bad. Like salt and sugar. One makes us hypertensive, the other diabetic. One cant live without either, and both are capable of killing.
Perhaps that is why the most beautiful color is grey, one that is made of a little of both, the dark as well as the white. All of us are painted grey.
Most do not like that, they want to believe that they are either white or black. That  is a lie most of us live all our lives. Some accept reality, bluntly. They feel the pain, the feel the joys. Those are people we call realists. Now when I put it that way, you may want to fall in that category!
But do not lie to yourself, even if you are a realist, you want to be either more white or more black. Why? Why can't we just accept reality as it is? Why do we want to live a life we do not lead?
I can answer that, in probably 1000 words or more, but that is not the point right now! Right now I am going to tell you a short story.

5.30 am
The first loud hoot of the local bus woke me up. Another bland morning, another day of nonchalance. Another day of acting like a mental fuck-up hoping some gentle lady pities me and gives me some money, or some rich brat shows off in front of his girlfriend and doles out a 100 rupees. Another day of praying that a calamity strikes all of us dead. Another day of hoping that I get a square meal, at least, apart from my dose of afeem which I can get from Hari without having to blow him for it.
I see the morning shuttles lining up outside the call center, I can see the pretty girl who takes kindly to me a few times. I hope I get my morning tea money. I am putting my game face on, please God, kill us all!

5.45 am
The poor retard is looking frailer than ever, I will give him an extra rupee today. Thank God the shift has ended. I can't take this anymore. Ram is never going to promote me. He has been using me all along, now that his wife has found out about our affair I am certain he will dump me. She is such a bitch with her fancy bags and fake airs! Why do I have to give in to my demands for that little extra? Ahh..what wouldn't I give to be like Shravan, he is so cool. Going towards his bike, calm and composed. Who would say he got escalated today, probably would lose his job too! But at least he lives life the way he wants to. God, kill me now or make me stronger.

6.00 am
Ria is looking at me that way again, if only she was not humping Ram on the side, I would have asked her out. The bitch does not even realize that the motherfucker has already promoted Divya. Probably after she got the abortion done. Damn, I am losing my job next week and here I am still thinking of scoring a pussy! The rent is not paid, the EMI's for this stupid bike are still pending and I do not see getting any positive feedback from the motherfucker! Now why the hell did the motherfucker need to find out I was sleeping with his wife. There he goes, new car and all the pussy in the BPO. Fuck! I could have been him. God, kill him!

6.15 am
Bastard! Looking at me as if he will kill me. I shall have him on the streets. Damn, he told Shree about all the bitches. Now, I have the divorce papers in my briefcase and an expensive lawsuit in the making. Her father will make sure I get laid off and not hired by anyone in this business. Why did I have to marry the daughter of a mafia lord? If he gets mad, he will probably have me killed or worse castrated. And here comes the retard hoping I give him a penny. The poor bastard, at least he knows he will live on to see the light of another day. God, I can swap places with him, please!

Chennai - 26th December, 2004. An hour before the Tsunami strike.

Death Speaks

[Image Courtsey: http://www.layoutsparks.com/]

Life fades to pain and death,

Where is love in dying breaths,

I tried to find it and paid heavily,

Death comes to claim me, her eyes bloodily greedy,

For I tried to spread hope where it was not,

To those down and low lest humanity rot,

Divide melancholy, keep grief at bay,

Then death said enough! for your sins now you must pay.

She met me in the busy street of Baghdad,

Next to the auction selling ships of Sindbad,

Even in the hustle-bustle of the market street,

My spine chilled even in the burning heat,

Oh! she was beautiful,like an angel I'll say,

But I knew her, 

she was death standing in my way,

Our eyes locked, like lovers we lovingly stared,

Then she made a threating gesture, 

and I knew I'd all the reasons to be scared.

I've decided, in Baghdad I'll not stay,

I've to find a way to keep death at bay,

The fastest horse in all of Baghdad I'll find,

And set off for the west,

where in the Sun Death shall be blind.

To Samarra I'll go for the lore says,

Death goes not to Samarra till the end of days,

After I escape I'll keep spreading hope,

Continue the good work, I pray that Death allows me to elope!

Prologue:

Death:  Death I am, dark yet pure,

One day I'll be yours too, be sure,

Destiny sure is funny, with its ways,

I'll quote an incident, hear it Death says,

I didn't threaten him,

if that he thought he was kneive,

That was just surprise,

For I really liked him but had my work to do,

I really had to take him,

but that's something I'll always rue,

What surprised me was his presense in the valley,

Because with my book it didn't tally,

If he was there in Baghdad the chances were weak,

Of making it to our rendezeveous 

in Samarra that night, so Death speaks...

Surk Chenaab

एक मुद्दत से वो वादी मुझको बुला रही है,

लेकिन में बुजदिल जाने से डरता हु,

डर लगता है के शायद बर्दाश्त ना कर पाऊ,

उस वीराने को, उस बिखरे अफसाने को,

जहाँ शिकारे लुका छिपी खेलते थे चिनार के पत्तों के साथ,

आज  वहा गुमनामी है,

सेब के बगीचों में बच्चो की हंसी, 

ना जाने कहाँ खो सी गयी है,

जलती थी दुनिया जिससे,

आज वो जन्नत ही जल रही है,

गम है तो बस इस बात का है,

के ये आग भी अपनों से लगी है,

लोग बदल रहे हैं, ज़माना बदल रहा है,

मेरा कश्मीर, तेरा कश्मीर, किसका कश्मीर,

अरे कश्मीर ही तो हातों से फिसल रहा है,

लेकिन मानने को तयार कौन है, 

अरे क़्त की पथराई आँखों में झाँक  करदेखो मियाँ,

आज तो कुदरत  ने भी बदलना सीख  लिया है,

 जन्नत था मेरा घर एक ज़माने में,

आज  व हा सुर्ख चेनाब दस्तक देती है!

Life is but a Journey

फलक के पार आज हम चले,

जहाँ संतरी है आसमां,

हवाएँ चड़ी है परवां,

सभी दिशाएँ है समान,

बेफिक्र चले हैं आज हम,

हौले से बुझती ये रात,

दोस्तों का है साथ,

गालियों में भी है मीठी एक बात,

फलक के पार आज हम चले,

लम्बी सड़क लेकिन हौंसले बुलंद,

पाक निगाहों से हर राह मनपसंद,

ज़िन्दगी एक कविता, हर सफ़र एक छंद, 

बेफिक्र चले हैं आज हम,

आँखों में चमक दिल में मस्ती,

जहाँ ख़ुशी वही हमारी बस्ती,

मस्तमौले हम, यही हमारी हस्ती! 

(Written on the way to Nandi Hills, a serene hilltop 50 kms from Bangalore)

The Darkness Beckons

Your bad is my good. Your crimes are my refuge. Your evil is my self. I am, YOU!  not quite, I am a part of you. The one augmented and demonic facet of you that you keep hidden from the prying eyes of the world.

I am darkness.  Absolute. Pristine. Complete. 

You are in denial if you think I do not reside within your heart! I do. It has been my abode since the first time someone bullied you or teased or insulted you and you could do nothing about it. Remember the surge of fury that raged you? Remember the frustration and anger at your inability to take revenge? It was me, whispering softy to you to fight back.

But you pushed me aside, shunned me away as life’s brighter shades enchanted you. I watched, patiently, as the colors went out and then even the stark black and white gave way to a muddy hue of gray.

I looked on as you battled the intricacies of life, baffled and hurt at your inability again. Inability to drive things the way you see fit. I was there when your bubble of confidence burst. And only when you had to accept that sometimes, no matter what you do, you cant have your way did you remember me again!

I was the shoulder you cried on. The pillar of strength that you rebuilt yourself on. I was the one who gave you focus. I was the one who made you appreciate the clarity within chaos. Every time you hated the past, every tear you shed, every wrong you did, every penance that you paid for made you stronger. All this while it was me who pushed you in the corner, I kept pushing till finally you started pushing back. And while I saw a phoenix rise from the ashes, I leaned back to watch over you again. 

I am darkness. Incessant. Omnipresent. Pure.

All I ask for is acceptance!

Crossroad

Standing at this crossroad,

Am clueless of the path,

That brought me here,

And also of the one,

I should take.

Standing at this crossroad,

Am filled with regret,

For the wrong turns taken,

And those turns,

That I failed to take.

Standing at this crossroad,

I look at the paths ahead,

All dusty and desolate,

Not a soul in sight,

With wisdom to partake.

Standing at this crossroad,

Realization hits me,

I am truly alone,

The ambiguous cloud that's future,

Is mine to make.

Some free time, some creativity, some friends, some tweets and a short story!

• Me: The moonless night drew on.Long and bitter.The wordless screams of some night prowler being the music.He thought of her and smiled. Facing the intricasies of life, he buckled under the torrents that embellished him. Yet, got up and whispered her name.
• Zain: The cut on his neck was deep, blood oozing; but stitches he didn't want, Because he knew he might entwine & choke himself to death.
• Me: T'was beautiful, almost perfectly circular drops of blood oozed in an intricate pattern on the rug. She smiled at her creation.
• Zain: The drops made no sound & in the silence was inflicting pain.His eyes now closed; the present troubled him not, the past amused him.
• Pranay: The bottom was not visible. The top was fast disappearing. With all the time in the world to think, he wondered. He hit the ground.
• Me: Time and again he died. Always brutally. Always painfully. Always she watched him die,silent and quiet;in all the alter-realities.
• Zain: Suddenly he wakes up, there's light, there's hope, there's SHE ! There's no wound, there's no blood, there's no pain & suddenly he wakes up.
• Me: But he'd rather be asleep in the limbo he'd so carefully crafted around himself.For there whether he lived or died,no one cared.
• Zain: In the limbo that he'd so carefully crafted,his baptism seemed unholy. Sinful it was,cz it was SHE who baptized him, 'SIN', herself.
• Me: Was he a vermin?A resident of hell?Or an offspring of the holy grove?Named SIN but wasn't the forbidden fruit in the garden of EDEN?

*To be continued*

(@retardosupremo, @AlexZainDer, @gunrxerk )